Heston of the Apes

Posted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 11:32 pm

BEST

MOVIE

EVER

By Mike Olenick.
Find it.
Watch it.
Never need happiness again.

I also saw Mike's "Psycho"... it's funny at first. Then my head exploded trying to coordinate everything.

WHAT THE HECK AM I TALKING ABOUT (Read if you want to spoil this short films premises)
- "Heston of the Apes" is the original Planet of the Apes, except that ALL parts that Heston isn't talking are CUT OUT. Best movie ever.
- "Psycho" is Psycho, both the original and the Van Sant version, at the same time, being their transparency set to 50%. Both of the soundtracks play at the same time.
You go mad.

Posted: Wed Feb 08, 2006 5:40 pm

GUYS MIKE OLENICK HAS PUT IT ON THE NETTTT

Posted: Wed Feb 08, 2006 5:42 pm

PS: By the time he's captured by monkeys it's a riot.

Joined: 07 Feb 2006 Posts: 44

He just WON'T SHUT UP!!!!

Posted: Fri Feb 10, 2006 1:30 am

Man, I didn't realize till now what a huge dick Heston was to his crewmates. Pretty much the whole time between when they landed and when they encountered the apes he was all "haha, everyone you ever knew and loved is dead!".

Joined: 09 Oct 2005 Posts: 7953 Location: egg

Man, this was really humorous, and I haven't even seen the original?

Posted: Fri Feb 10, 2006 1:39 am

I had only seen parts of it because it and various other Planet Of The Apes movies used to be played constantly on the Sci-Fi channel. I kind of hope that either the guy will get really ambitious about it or other people will do copycat kind of things, so that eventually all of the movies get editted in this way, and then we can move on to every other movie he has ever starred in.

Joined: 11 Nov 2005 Posts: 8693

It works better with Garfield.

But, yeah, I want to punch Heston in the face now. Almost as much as I want to punch Michael Moore.

Posted: Fri Feb 10, 2006 8:45 am

The best part:

"In 6 months we'll be running this place!"
CUT
"GET YOUR STINKIN PAWS OFF ME YOU DAMNED DIRTY APES!"

Joined: 05 Dec 2005 Posts: 442

So they where supposed to colonize a planet? And they where one woman and three men?!

Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 168 Location: Sunburn central

This was super and Mr Heston's skin is a careful reminder to all and sundry that the sun wants to kill you.

Posted: Sat Feb 11, 2006 5:20 pm

Mystery Man wrote:

So they where supposed to colonize a planet? And they where one woman and three men?!

Well I guess they wanted to make sure there was different stock. But yeah, I guess they really blew it on the planning stages there.

Joined: 23 Feb 2006 Posts: 1

They weren't colonizing anything. It was an experiment with near light speed space travel. As I recall, the plan was to fly around in space for 50 - 100 years in a big loop back to Earth, but due to time dilation, only a year or two would have passed for them on the ship. Something went wrong and they kept going longer than they were supposed to, hence the problems and the confusion as to their location. It was actually a pretty good movie, unlike the sequels. Anyway, this video's pretty funny.