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Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 9:34 pm

Could I get some constructive criticism for my comic? Please?
Green Circle

(PS: I know no one is going to do this.)

Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 14

Captain Lazer, I think that’s a good point you made there. Thanks Smile

And thanks for showing your friend and letting me know what he thought, I really appreciate that.

Logcabinrepairman, you’re right about how the two sentences don’t go together. That’s the lack of clarity I was talking about. I’m not sure how to explain it better then I did in my previous post. What I wanted to be more clear about was that feminism is a good thing. It’s the stereotypical feminists that we’ve all seen portrayed (who supposedly hate all men and think they are all pigs) that I was writing about. If you have any ideas how I might have better put my point across let me know, it’s cool.

Joined: 24 Jul 2006 Posts: 2956 Location: the new board

Brew, hopefully there will more to come, so stay tuned !

Joined: 12 Oct 2005 Posts: 5693

doesn't matter how polite you are about it, holding the opinion "if women would let me screw them they would be cured of feminism" just makes you a terrible person

Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 14

Baron von Swede wrote:

doesn't matter how polite you are about it, holding the opinion "if women would let me screw them they would be cured of feminism" just makes you a terrible person

Just for the record it is important to be very clear when quoting someone. Nowhere in my post did I ever say that "if women would let me screw them they would be cured of feminism"

I wrote in my post:
I think hardcore feminists are born out of something I just touched upon; they haven’t gotten laid in far too long! “See, that’s exactly what I’m talking about,” is what some of them will say. To which I respond, “See, that’s why you haven’t been boned in forty years.”

What I was implying was that sex might put a smile on their face. And remember, again... I was referring to the stereotypical media portrayed man hating feminist.

Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:15 pm

Brew, I am going to have to say that I greatly prefer the polite Brew of Truth and Beauty Bombs over the one who writes the news posts at Shredded Moose. You seem a lot less artificial here.

Whimsy Overcomes Him Joined: 18 Dec 2005 Posts: 8611

Yeah, I have to agree with that. I mean, I can see why that would seem less interesting than being all xtreme, but when you put on that kind of facade it almost seems like you're talking down to your audience? I'm sure you're capable of being funny with material that's more your own and less a put-on, and even if that gets you a fanbase that is slightly different from or smaller than "people who like Penny Arcade and Maddox" it'd probably be worth it.

Joined: 03 Feb 2006 Posts: 279

In all fairness to Brew, it's not uncommon for the writer of a webcomic to adopt a pseudo-persona when addressing his or her audience. Why, I bet even Ryan North doesn't use nearly as many exclamation points in person! (And I am not nearly as snotty and condescending in real life!)

Of course, this doesn't have any bearing on whether Brew's comic-post-writing persona is good or not, just that what he's doing is a pretty common thing.

Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:42 pm

WHAT!!!!!!

Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:42 pm

Ryan probably has a little sign with an exclamation mark that he holds up whenever he speaks.

Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:44 pm

I agree, Aaron D, but I think that a person's assumed persona should be one which they can sound natural in. Comic-Post-Brew sounds like he's grasping at straws for something funny, hoping that if he throws out enough bland pop-culture references he'll eventually hit pay dirt. The TaBB Brew is sincere and likable.

Also: TODAY IS THE DAY WHEN AARON D WAS SIGNIFICANTLY MORE AGREEABLE TOWARD SOMEONE THAN UNWINDER WAS

Whimsy Overcomes Him Joined: 18 Dec 2005 Posts: 8611

Joined: 17 Apr 2006 Posts: 6037 Location: 7th frame

Okay, I would say that if you are going to attack a stereotype, don't bother professing respect for the people that stereotype is based on.

"I appreciate that the troubled history of black Americans has lead to an anguished relationship to the rest of American culture; being denied respect and opportunity for so long, and being subject to surprising instances of racist to this day could lead any of us to a rejection of mainstream values. Still, as I think you will agree, lots of niggas be frontin' when they should be pickin' cotton."

If you want to write something misogynist, don't pretend to respect the women's movement.

Then again, maybe your point was more about women in video games, and the feminist rant was about giving the enemy a face?

Rather than attacking an enemy you make up from a composite of media impressions, presumably only before those who already agree with you, try confronting the enemy.

Lay off the stuff about how sex cures feeling patronized. Sex does not change political views. If you want to say that video games are purchased by men, and that men are attracted to women with hourglass figures and lots of exposed skin, say that. Even just say that men spend the money on video games, and so the video game publishers give us games with hot women. QED.

You should fact check, make sure that someone is actually complaining about women being portrayed in games as sexual objects. Know your enemy. You should make sure that your assumption that most gamers are attracted to women is true (make sure that gays and straight women are not buying games and putting up with content that has become an unexamined norm).

Basically, I think you should either pander harder or think harder. Since you linked us to it, I assume you want respect from intelligent people with a lot of different worldviews. The way the posts and comics are written, it seems like you want to appeal to dudes who are a year or two out of the parents house, who haven't had many serious relationships with women. Maybe if they got laid more...

Joined: 19 Jul 2005 Posts: 16347 Location: TaBB Graveyard

"No offense but that dyke just needs a good lay."

Joined: 24 Jul 2006 Posts: 2956 Location: the new board

"man i thought abortion was bad until i realized how awesome sex was"

Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 11:01 pm

ten out of ten · Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 11:04 pm

deep dicking

Joined: 10 Feb 2007 Posts: 14

Unwinder wrote:

I agree, Aaron D, but I think that a person's assumed persona should be one which they can sound natural in. Comic-Post-Brew sounds like he's grasping at straws for something funny, hoping that if he throws out enough bland pop-culture references he'll eventually hit pay dirt. The TaBB Brew is sincere and likable.

"Persona?" What are you guys talking about, all I do every day of my life is walk into video game conventions so I can publicly diddle the cute show-girls with a Wiimote Very Happy

Okay, just to be clear, that was a joke. There's definitely a persona I've adopted with the comics and posts and I am, as ever, working to mold it into something that I enjoy. The entirety of the creation process of that persona, which people don't see, is that every article and every comic is created to cause people to think or laugh. But I clearly understand (thanks to some of your guys comments) that the Brew in the comics and posts can come across as angry. That "persona" of Brew isn't meant to be an angry instrument of hate and discontent. At the end of the day, there's a brand of humor that I'm reaching for.

Humor is my goal and I'm enjoying finding different ways to hit upon that. Bashing the self esteem of little girl scouts (or the feminist movement) isn't the end I'm after.

I'm toying with the idea you've mentioned of infusing more of the TaBB me into the Brew in the comics; getting some of that sincerity and likability in there that you had mentioned and see what that would be like.

Unwinder, thanks for posting in the forum and critiquing today's comic I appreciate that.

ten out of ten · Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 11:26 pm

Brew, the worst part of CAD is how the writer uses it as a soap box to make himself look like the hero of the gaming community by turning his main character into himself.

Don't let this happen to you. Use different characters now and then. Don't make it a journal (unless you want to, then REALLY make it a journal).

Anyway, what I'm saying is, use characters that drive the story, not ones that restrict the story. For instance, if you're going to make a comic where someone hit someone else for being stupid, does it really need to be you doing the hitting?

This is something I think Penny Arcade does really well. It isn't a smart character and a stupid character. Gabe and Tycho are both stupid and smart in their respective fields (RP gaming vs. line dancing)

Your characters don't need to be doing anything, they can be just sitting around talking. If you want to make them talk about something, don't make them do something too, unless it's REALLY funny for them to be doing something too.

Etc.

Posted: Wed Feb 21, 2007 11:29 pm

I don't mind Brew too much in the comics, because the comics never create the illusion that it is your actual perspective. It doesn't matter if the in-comic brew isn't very plausible, but if you're going to write long passages in the style of a character, then you should really be able to write believably as the character, or post the writings somewhere that seems less "official" than the accompanying news for each comic strip (See: Achewood blogs).

The Brew character speaks, in his news posts, on topics that you, his author, don't seem to really feel very familiar with, and it often shows. It feels like his subject matter is more dictated by what you think people want to hear rather than what you want to talk about. I don't know if that's true, but it's the vibe I'm getting.

Joined: 03 Feb 2006 Posts: 279

Unwinder wrote:

Also: TODAY IS THE DAY WHEN AARON D WAS SIGNIFICANTLY MORE AGREEABLE TOWARD SOMEONE THAN UNWINDER WAS

I'm actually pretty nice when the topic isn't about science or religion. The trick, of course, is to change every topic into one about science or religion.

Joined: 08 Dec 2005 Posts: 9009 Location: SOMEWHERE EXTREME

Sam wrote:

Your characters don't need to be doing anything, they can be just sitting around talking. If you want to make them talk about something, don't make them do something too, unless it's REALLY funny for them to be doing something too.

I think that's bad advice. Characters should always be doing something. It doesn't have to be Something, but don't just have them stand around. There should always be visual interest.

Whimsy Overcomes Him Joined: 18 Dec 2005 Posts: 8611

yeah honestly I wouldn't really make a habit of listening to things Sam says :/

Posted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 1:48 am

I thought that post was actually pretty decent though as Sam posts go.

Posted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 2:10 am

mikep wrote:

Could I get some constructive criticism for my comic? Please?
Green Circle

(PS: I know no one is going to do this.)

Mikep, I haven't read a ton of your comic, but from the few times I've checked it out, here are my impressions:

I hate the art. Sorry, I realize it's a style or whatever, but it does not do it for me.

A lot of the punchlines seem to just be a word in caps and a big font. These words aren't usually particularly intrinsically funny, nor do they tend to be surprising or otherwise punchline-worthy.

A lot of the other comics I have a hard time reading. I'm not sure if they're really that boring or if the art turns me off so much that I don't want to read further.

I hate to be all negative, but I'm afraid I don't like your comic. It really might be the art that kills it for me, in which case maybe it's just not the comic for me since I don't really expect you to completely change art styles.

Maybe someone else can be more constructive.

Posted: Thu Feb 22, 2007 6:06 pm

Thank you for the input, Mister Klaw. Even though you didn't like the comic I appreciate that you took the time to look at it.

Joined: 22 Feb 2007 Posts: 33

Here's a link to my comic: Hilarious Henry.

I'm really happy with how's its coming along. 30+ comics in and I'm impressed with how everything has evolved, from the art to the writing, etc.

Joined: 12 Oct 2005 Posts: 5693

Brew wrote:

So in The Sims 2 you can make your Sim have sex. The game calls it “Woohoo” because I guess it wouldn’t be rated, “E for Everyone” if one of the action options was, “Bone the Sim in the hot tub.”

What passes for sex is really the best part of the game. But watching pixels have sex under blankets, under water, or in a changing booth is really only entertaining for so long; even if it’s two chicks doing it. Yeah, you can have lesbians in The Sims 2.

Brew you just continue to impress :)

I also liked how you linked "depths of hell" to the Down Syndrome Foundation's website A+ stuff man

ten out of ten · Posted: Sat Feb 24, 2007 12:23 pm

furries :S

Joined: 24 Jul 2006 Posts: 2956 Location: the new board

I'm still recommending you to people I think would make up your audience, but come on.
Everyone's being pretty goddamn nice, considering.

In case you're wondering, I'm going around editing my posts to be a little nicer, myself.