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 Post subject: Dumb Facebook Crud
PostPosted: Wed Jun 24, 2009 5:11 am 
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Post dumb crud your friends have posted on Facebook.

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But Bart continued: "downloading video games how to earn forgiveness"


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 Post subject: Re: Dumb Facebook Crud
PostPosted: Wed Jun 24, 2009 5:11 am 
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Context: A 21 year old dude has recently entered into a relationship with a 15 year old girl. Their friends do not really approve.

Quote:
Why don't YOU grow up?
Today at 03:30
I've seen things that would make you puke, and things that would make you cry. I've seen things that would revolt you, and make you want to die.
I've seen the world through the eyes of another, I've hated my life and wished death on my brother.
I've kissed strangers and abandoned my kin. I've forgiven people who continue to sin.
I've gone through life with a smile on my face. I've traveled the country, but been stuck in one place.
I've watched people hurt themselves; tear their flesh open. I've helped my enemies and have seen hearts being broken.
I've talked to God right here in my home, and though I stand strong, I'm standing alone.
I understand things you don't know are there. I've left on journeys without knowing where.
I know that I'm and insect amoung men, but don't tell ME to grow up. You don't know where I've been.

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 Post subject: Re: Dumb Facebook Crud
PostPosted: Wed Jun 24, 2009 7:16 am 
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that is outstanding.

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 Post subject: Re: Dumb Facebook Crud
PostPosted: Wed Jun 24, 2009 11:28 am 
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So like, someone said to him "Geez man, grow up and stop dating 15 year old girls" ?

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 Post subject: Re: Dumb Facebook Crud
PostPosted: Wed Jun 24, 2009 1:00 pm 
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So wait

They criticised him and he responded by putting it in the context of what an absolute monster he is?

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 Post subject: Re: Dumb Facebook Crud
PostPosted: Wed Jun 24, 2009 1:01 pm 
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fantastic

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 Post subject: Re: Dumb Facebook Crud
PostPosted: Wed Jun 24, 2009 1:07 pm 
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guy called matt may's facebook name is Mæt Mæei

he has graduated high school


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 Post subject: Re: Dumb Facebook Crud
PostPosted: Wed Jun 24, 2009 2:07 pm 
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Miles wrote:
So like, someone said to him "Geez man, grow up and stop dating 15 year old girls" ?

Well, to stop kissing them at least.

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 Post subject: Re: Dumb Facebook Crud
PostPosted: Wed Jun 24, 2009 3:53 pm 
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If he is already six years older than this girl isn't growing up more the last thing he should do?

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 Post subject: Re: Dumb Facebook Crud
PostPosted: Wed Jun 24, 2009 4:42 pm 
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They should be telling the 15 year old girl to grow up and stop being 15.

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 Post subject: Re: Dumb Facebook Crud
PostPosted: Wed Jun 24, 2009 4:54 pm 
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They should be telling both of them to switch ages a la Freaky Friday if you ask me.

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 Post subject: Re: Dumb Facebook Crud
PostPosted: Wed Jun 24, 2009 10:45 pm 
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Facebook wrote:
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 Post subject: Re: Dumb Facebook Crud
PostPosted: Thu Jun 25, 2009 3:53 am 
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Quote:
I am really taken aback by the profile picture with a child smoking. I think it is awful.

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 Post subject: Re: Dumb Facebook Crud
PostPosted: Thu Jun 25, 2009 4:53 am 
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Joshua H** just overclocked his phone... now the battery lasts even less!
16 minutes ago · Comment · Like

Alex F** at 18:39 on 25 June
Just in case it actually needed additional fail.

Rhys A** at 18:45 on 25 June
Now overclock your battery!

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 Post subject: Re: Dumb Facebook Crud
PostPosted: Thu Jun 25, 2009 12:38 pm 
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The inspiration for this rant is Matt May... and a quote of his that the more I think about it, the more I realise... it's just stupid.

"You should buy the Samsas Traum album for the cover art. It's that awesome."

WHAT THE FUCK???? We're talking the nasty end of at least $40 not including postage, handling, people learning my credit card number due to all the Trojan viruses on my computer, etc.

AND I have to wait weeks for it to turn up in the post. For music that i could download for free (or steal off Matt) and art that's probably on Google images. And I bet there's neither porn nor skyscrpaers in it. So what the hell am i looking at? The bloody Jesus? If I wanted to looka t that, Id go to Catholic mass.

"But Alexx, downloading music is immoral... the artist missed out on money."
1. You're a fat capitalist pig and I hate you.
2. Women suck. (Its been a while since I said it)
3. Ive never met the band and have no reason to believe they exist. In fact, its probably just some drunk German yodelling into a microphone.

IN FACT I reckon that Samsas Traum is ME yodelling into a microphone. And it's not German, its drunken slurring that Matt recorded. I mean, its awfully suspicious that the lead singer (and only member of the band) is called Alexx.

Yes thats right. ALEXX. TWO Xs. VERY SUSPICIOUS. MIGHT BE ONE X NEED COVER TO GO CHECK THAT'S RIGHT I DIDN'T BUY IT WHOOPS.

Which therefore is one point to Matt (or whoever). I need the cover to find out if the lead singer is Alex or Alexx. But it's probably just me.

And now to the next part of the rant.

"But Alexx, you're breaking THE LAW."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. GUESS WHAT??? I GET TO SLAG OFF DEMOCRACY! YAY!!!!!

Man I'm drunk.

So anyway. i broke the laws. But waiiiittt!!!! We're a DEMOCRACY! That means rule by the people. Which means the people make the laws. And i'm a people.

So I'll make up my own fucking laws, thank you very much.

Murder and cannibalism? Legal. Gender equality? 5 years jail just for thinking it.

Also, for those of you wondering, i made up my own grammar laws. "Person" is now obsolete. See above.

"oh, but Alexx, you don't make the laws. You elect officials to make the laws for you."

I never agreed to that! That is a fucking stupid idea! And if I was into stupid ideas, id be able to come up with a good analogy here for why stupid ideas are stupid.

I like pie.

So who the fuck came up with this "Only elected people get to make laws" bullshit? It wasnt me. Oh, that sounds like the kinda shit that comes out of PARLIAMENT.

Parliament decided that only parliament gets to make laws. VERY CONVENIENT.

Well, they can kiss my arse. Am I gonna listen? No. Are you? Probably, because your pretty stupid.

Hey don't have a go at me. If you have a problem with being called stupid, then fucking well be democratic and go make up some laws for yourself, instead of obeying a small group of idiots.

Thats like walking into a bar and being refused alcohol by the guy behind you in the line. You know, who isnt even serving alcohol.

Well, before I go. Ive gotta say it.

I LOVE those anti-smoking campaigns.

"Smoking makes you impotent"? FANTASTIC!
I noticed how they blame EVERYTHING on smoking these days and put it on the label, sp here are my ideas:

SMOKING MANOUVERED HITLER INTO POWER

SMOKING WIPED OUT THE DINOSAURS

SMOKING IS THE REASON TWILIGHT GOT PUBLISHED AND MADE INTO A MOVIE

SMOKING IS WHY YOUR CAR WON'T START

SMOKING IS WHY THE COST OF ELECTRICITY IS SO HIGH

SMOKING IS THE REASON THERES NOTHING GOOD ON TV

SMOKING IS WHY THE ALL BLACKS LOST

SMOKING ABORTED YOUR UNBORN GRANDCHILD

SMOKING STOPPED HER GOING TO THE FORMAL

SMOKING MAKES YOU IMPOTNT (oh wait, thats real.)

SMOKING IS WHY THE RANT IS OVER.


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 Post subject: Re: Dumb Facebook Crud
PostPosted: Thu Jun 25, 2009 12:45 pm 
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ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

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 Post subject: Re: Dumb Facebook Crud
PostPosted: Thu Jun 25, 2009 12:46 pm 
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D:


Last edited by kevin on Thu Jun 25, 2009 12:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Dumb Facebook Crud
PostPosted: Thu Jun 25, 2009 12:46 pm 
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Quote:
hahahaa, ADD
Image
Brian took the What Psychiatric Disorder do you have? quiz and got the result: ADD..

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 Post subject: Re: Dumb Facebook Crud
PostPosted: Mon Jun 29, 2009 5:37 am 
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 Post subject: Re: Dumb Facebook Crud
PostPosted: Mon Jun 29, 2009 5:42 am 
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my facebook is entirely empty and I intend to keep it that way

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 Post subject: Re: Dumb Facebook Crud
PostPosted: Mon Jun 29, 2009 11:25 pm 
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My step cousin, he

He writes these things

And calls them poems

And is lavished with praise

They are some of The Worst Things

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 Post subject: Re: Dumb Facebook Crud
PostPosted: Tue Jun 30, 2009 6:14 am 
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Baron wrote:
Well, before I go. Ive gotta say it.

I LOVE those anti-smoking campaigns.

"Smoking makes you impotent"? FANTASTIC!
I noticed how they blame EVERYTHING on smoking these days and put it on the label, sp here are my ideas:

SMOKING MANOUVERED HITLER INTO POWER

SMOKING WIPED OUT THE DINOSAURS

SMOKING IS THE REASON TWILIGHT GOT PUBLISHED AND MADE INTO A MOVIE

SMOKING IS WHY YOUR CAR WON'T START

SMOKING IS WHY THE COST OF ELECTRICITY IS SO HIGH

SMOKING IS THE REASON THERES NOTHING GOOD ON TV

SMOKING IS WHY THE ALL BLACKS LOST

SMOKING ABORTED YOUR UNBORN GRANDCHILD

SMOKING STOPPED HER GOING TO THE FORMAL

SMOKING MAKES YOU IMPOTNT (oh wait, thats real.)

SMOKING IS WHY THE RANT IS OVER.


SMOKING FUCKED YOUR MOTHER

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 Post subject: Re: Dumb Facebook Crud
PostPosted: Tue Jun 30, 2009 6:16 am 
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Oh I just realised I originally misread "THE ALL BLACKS" as "ALL THE BLACKS"

that makes it a little better, but not by much


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 Post subject: Re: Dumb Facebook Crud
PostPosted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 11:37 am 
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"Are you looking for a good time?

I'm an 18 year old male from West Auckland, lonely and frustrated, looking for a long term relationship with a mindlessly obedient drone of a woman with no self esteem, who is willing to cater to my every psychotic whim and cook my meals in the nude. Virgins are preferable so as to avoid women with delusions of there being a "better man" out there than me.

If interested please order a second-hand cheese sandwich from Ebay while singing the Bolivian National Anthem. It will prove your unwavering loyalty to me"

The above is from my NEWLY CREATED page on NZ Dating.

I also sent it as a message to the stripper bitch who keeps adding me on Skype.

DISCLAIMER:
This rant has nothing to do with Michael Jackson. I named it after him as a tribute, but the media have pretty much said everything there is to say on the subject, so I shall say no more..

Moving along.

So a few weeks or months ago, I downloaded Skype. Hang on, need to take a toilet break. I don't know why I'm telling you that, I could just stop writing and you'd never know, but meh.

There we go, much better.

So anyway, I got Skype and it was really cool. You know, I could chat to all my mates in Europe and England and America (because MSN is only for third world countries like New Zealand).....

Well, okay, anyone with a webcam really....

... Well, just Grimm, but only because no one else bothers signing in.

BUT WAIT!

For you see, I do get people sign in and add me. Total random strangers.

It began with an extremely awkward video call from this girl in Morocco, and a weird conversation trying to explain that I don't speak French.

That's fine, she probably had me confused with someone else.

After all "Alexx _______" is an EXTREMELY common name and one in three Moroccans is probably called that.

But then came the weirdoes.

At first I thought someone might have been sharing my Skype info on those dirty chatlines - hell it could have been me without knowing, but soon they swarmed in.

Really, like one a day. Every day. For two weeks. Different ones. And they seem to watch me and know I'm online when I'm set to "Invisible" and I want my mummy.

But god they piss me off, with random messages like "Hey Sexy, wanna see me get undressed?"

What, are you that stupid that you feel so proud every time you do it that you HAVE to prove to people that you can? Have you spent the last 21 years with your mother dressing and undressing you and at last you know how and want to show the world?

Or those "Hey I'm dying for a fuck, wanna hook up?"

No. Fuck, the very fact that you have to stalk people on Skype and ask them if they want to bang you speaks volumes about how good you are (or aren't).
I mean, if you were actually decent looking you'd have a fucking boyfriend who might want to thrust you regularly.

And you're FREE! You're not even worth $60 and obviously got kicked off K Rd for turning all the other prostitutes' customers gay when they saw you.

You're "dying for a fuck." Why are you dying for a fuck?
I'll tell you why, it's because you're a hideous little pig who's wider than she is tall and has to download fake display pictures off the internet so as not to break the computer screen with her real image. Hence why no one wants to sleep with you. Go be a nun.

Anyway, I've saved these bitches and have taken to sending them my own "Highly Feminist" messages.

The other thing that's annoying is slow people. I keep getting stuck behind these fat arses who are wedged on the escalators and missing my train every time I'm at Britomart.
Do some sit ups, take the goddamn stairs and leave the escalators for thin people.

And for fucks sake stop standing at the bottom, blocking the way while you bitch about how you "Can't believe Darren won't sleep with me, I'm way hotter than Kylie!"

If that's true then Kylie must be so ugly she causes entire galaxies to implode at the sight of her.

And, oh horrors, I'm on the train home to Henderson, with this middle aged woman bitching next to me on her cellphone.

Firstly, the whole carriage, which contained around 100 or more people, does not need to hear about how Janet from work's breath smells like Avocado Sandwiches.
We don't care about your personal life.

If you want to publicly display your life to an uncaring audience, go get Facebook, add 600 contacts and update your status every two seconds.
You know.
Like me.

Oh, and I definitely do NOT need to hear how:

a)"Men are dogs."
No.
Men are Men and Dogs are Dogs.
Men go "Yeah, beer, rugby, women, etc"
Dogs go "Woof woof."

Notice a difference?
Stupid fucking woman, never should have left the kitchen.

b)I DEFINITELY did not need to hear how your husband has "been very good and deserves a treat between the sheets tonight."

I sincerely hope that this treat is you suffocating yourself with them. Or even the reward of having you NOT sleep with him.
Poor bastard.
He's probably flat as a pancake after you've laid on him once, OR he's still got his head stuck up your enormous vagina.

Another treat between the sheets would be for you to cover yourself with them and go sleep in another room for the night. That way we don't have to look at you. Of course, we know that won't work because you need a king sized bed spread to use as a dress anyway.

Look, you are too fat, and too old, and the only reason that you get any sex at all is because your husband is probably scared that you'll crush him and eat him if you don't comply.

Thanks for reading, you're a wonderful audience.

If you enjoyed this rant, please become my fan. Search for "Alexxx."


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 Post subject: Re: Dumb Facebook Crud
PostPosted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 11:38 am 
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this guy has literally dozens of these. he writes two a week. these aren't even particularly awful, they're just the first i clicked on


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 Post subject: Re: Dumb Facebook Crud
PostPosted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 11:40 am 
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this is probably the worst one:

It has been around a month since I last said the words "I'm in." Until last night, that is, when I discovered a chick claiming to "like" me. A chick who still looks good when I'm sober.

However, as much as I'd love to ask her out, I realise (apart from being on the rebound, but hey I'm a slut these days) "Hmm... didn't I just go through all this shit? This is kinda boring..."

It's the same mentality that most likely failed my exams. "Didn't I just do this in term three? Yawn, I can't be bothered, I don't wanna pass twice in a row!"*
And besides. Can I be bothered with the emotional strain again? And if it works, the only thing I'll have to show for it is an STD. (I heard about this nasty one where a parasite grows in your stomach... What's it called? Oh yeah, pregnancy!)

Actually, what the fuck, I mean this isn't the first time this had happened. The only reason I've said "I'm in" is because she's still attractive when I'm sober, as I said (and VERY attractive drunk). Since leaving home this sort of thing has happened a few times**. Yet, chicks have ignored me for 18 years! W-E-I-R-D! Is it the suit? The flat? The aftershave? The shitloads of money I'm raking in thanks to that investment? WHOOPS, shouldn't have mentioned that...

I'm thinking of buying a baseball bat to get rid of chicks. It's weird that I have to. It's weirder that I want to. And it's weirdest of all that I'm getting a baseball bat. What the fuck, god gave us guns, right? BANG! Problem solved, thank you Soviet army.

Well, sadly that is the best I can come up with on so little alcohol/sleep.

Here's some disclaimers, so as I don't offend anyone, or get sued:
*My sincerest apologies to any teacher reading. NOW STOP READING MY DAMN BLOG!

**There is no way to say this without sounding conceited or arrogant. I'm sorry. I am still the Arrogant Bastard afterall.

Finally, I would like to add that this was intended partly as a way to vent, and mostly for entertainment. Most situations and statistics used are exaggerated, I refuse to name names and if anyone feels they have been unfairly depicted, I am generalising and not referring to individuals, except for the yet-to-be-named chick around whom this was built.

Also, I have no grudge against any individuals. Well. Except for Matt. And Nik. And Ben. oh, and Asher's a bastard too. And the less said about Grimm, the better...***

***Okay, that was a joke. The above are probably the only people I do like. As for the rest of you........... Well.........


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 Post subject: Re: Dumb Facebook Crud
PostPosted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 11:59 am 
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this one is just kind of sad :(

I apologise for the time it has taken to bring you my latest rant. I've either been too drunk to type or too sober to type anything good.
But guess what? I has something to say, I does.

There is something that has consistently managed to
piss me off since we left school - in fact, for much of year 13.
It's really another form of a certain question that has made me want to rip people's faces up with a screwdriver since year 12.

That question is "Why" and it gets all the more infuriating when people add "aren't you going to university" at the end.

First things first.
NEVER ASK ME WHY.

I don't do plans. If I did I would either not stick to them, or go kill myself out of the boredom caused by predictabilty.
Asking me "why" is a sure-fire way of me making SURE you burn in a FIRE. (Sure-fire... it's a pun, geddit?)

Why the fuck do I have to justify anything I do? I don't even believe in you people. That's like God asking an Atheist why he doesn't go to church.
I can do whatever I want, and if I contradict myself, it's your fault for touching yourself at night.

Questions are bad enough on their own. Like "What are you wearing?"
I'll answer, but I don't really like giving away too much personal info. So when I say WHAT ("I'm not wearing pants"),
I do not appreciate people trying to dig more information out of me, like a bunch of starving journalists. You got your goddamn answer, and you do not need
to know "WHY aren't you wearing pants?"

Besides. There's hardly ever... no, there's NEVER a reason for me doing what I do. With one exception.
I'm not wearing pants right now. It's naked saturday. I'm typing in the nip.

While you enjoy that mental image (as I have no doubt you sick fuckers are) I'm going to stop for a commercial break filled with completely irrelevant crap.

"Alexx's Rants: Here's what the critics are saying:

"How the hell did this rant make me impotent?" - New Zealand Herald

"There are lice running out my computer screen." - Sunday Star Times

"I haven't stopped shitting blood since I read it." - Christchurch Press

- So now you KNOW it's good! -"

Back to the show (two weeks later, yes it's... um, Tuesday or Wednesday I think now)

So lately, I've noticed a lot of people have this thing about university. What the fuck?

Like I'm at work and people go "Are you at school?" And I say "No, I left."
"Oh ok. What are you studying at university?"

You're a fuckwit. I'm not at university. I left school. Why the fuck would I want to study more? If I wanted to study, I wouldn't have left school.

"Alexx, we got kicked out of school." - Stupid intellectual bitch.

Yes, but even so, I'd have at least bothered to stay AWAKE for year 13 if I cared. I mean seriously, what the hell happened this year anyway? Did i miss much?

And hey, guess what? I have a JOB and that means MONEY. I'm actually earning my money you middle class pieces of shit. And you know what else? I get to keep it!
"Hey Alexx, I have a student allowance. I get money and dont have to do jack shit, unlike you."

Get some friends, wanker. Furthermore, which one of us is about to be in debt? Whose gonna have possessions in 5 years time? I own my stuff. But you are owned by the government. Tell the debt collectors I send hugs and kisses, when they repossess your pants.

"Alexx, I'm earning shitloads more than you thanks to my degree."

I don't give a fuck, capitalist! I'm HAPPY. I haven't just wasted fuck knows how many years dealing with bureaucrats, and stressing over deadlines and lectures and learning pointless shit.
And what the hell am I gonna do with extra money? I have trouble spending what I have now. I mean, half the reason I drink so much alcohol is to get rid of my money. "Why not save it?" I do, shithead. Thanks to my savings, I'm stinking fucking rich.

You know what fucks me off? Is the look people give me when I say "I'm not going to university."
I can't tell if it's pity, or disappointment. Fuck, even my grandmother refused to give me a Christmas present because I wasn't going!
Guess what? Im happy where I am, have no further ambitions and am avoiding debt.

Where are you? Miserable, debt-filled with a bunch of snotty kids and stupid facts about WHY the world's so crap. (And it's worse when you get "intellectuals" who try to judge YOU and claim you're inferior.)

I actually once claimed my only ambition in life was to buy a block of cheese. It's a lie. (No, I don't secretly want more.) I actually don't want cheese. In fact, I could go out right now and buy a block.
I said it because you FUCKWITS are too STUPID to understand the concept of "NOT WANTING THINGS"

Why do you have to keep struggling to get more crap that you don't even need? Why can't you be content? Why put yourself through unnecessary pain?
I don't feel the need to keep struggling for "more".

There are two possible reasons for this:
1. There's something wrong with me
2. I am perfect and don't need an education to better myself

If it is the former... well you're the one inflicting pain on yourself for money that you don't even need. Inflicting pain... you should get yourself checked out. I mean, if you choose to do that to yourself... that's pretty serious.

I have everything I need and I'm happy.

Maybe I'm stupid. Maybe I'd be smarter to work hard and get a high paying job. Well, if that's so, I'm clearly too DUMB for uni.

Honest to god, I was so disappointed to get U.E.
I would have loved nothing more than to say "I'm not going to uni." "Why?" "BECAUSE I FAILED HIGH SCHOOL!!!"
Sadly, the exam markers achieved papers that I didn't even sit and I passed.

Maybe I'm too smart. I mean, I'm avoiding debt, I'm happy and "Hey, Alexx, you're articulate and smart and the sun shines out your arse... go to uni!"

But if I'm so smart, isn't uni a waste of time? I mean, clearly I know everything already, and what I don't know i can just look up on Wikipedia.

Tada, and I save myself 3 years struggle and $10,000.

Moral of the story:
I'm either too smart or too dumb. Either way, I'm not going.

Go fuck yourself.


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 Post subject: Re: Dumb Facebook Crud
PostPosted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 1:00 pm 
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the last one, i.e people expecting you to be at uni, is actually a reason to be annoyed

but maybe not that angry

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 Post subject: Another thing he doesn't have to be.
PostPosted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 1:28 pm 
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Also not that stupid.

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 Post subject: Re: Dumb Facebook Crud
PostPosted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 10:40 pm 
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matt may reminds me of my bipolar cousin


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