Truth and Beauty Bombs

have you ever been legit arrested

I've never been arrested

I had to show a cop my ID once.

"is this bong water?"
"no, ordinary."
"I'm gonna need to see some identification"

"what's a guy like you doing carrying water?"
"it's my job"
"who carries water nowadays? aren't there pipes for that?"
"they don't explain anything to me. I just do my job."
"I'm gonna need to see some identification"

"what's with all the water?"
"I'm delivering it"
"you've got to realize that it looks a little suspicious to be driving around with enough water for 100 people. you couldn't possibly drink all of that yourself"
"it's not mine. I'm delivering it to an office building"
"I'm gonna need to see some identification"

"Why is your ID so wet?"

Tommy a police officer did ask for my id while delivering water once.

I didn't check in at the front at this one school.

They put the school into a lock down.

I had to drive back and sort things out.

"what've you got in those containers?"
"it's water"
"water?"
"yes, it's water"
"looks like some kind of clear liquid."
"yes."
"it looks a little blue to be water"
"that's just the colour of the plastic. the actual water inside is colourless"
"'colourless'? how can something be colourless?"
"people always say that water is colourless. also, I think that you might be confused about the meaning of 'colour'. I have a book by josef albers that say that colour is--"
"mind if I taste it?"
"it's not my water. I'm only delivering it. I don't know if the people who bought it would want you to taste it"
"I'm gonna need to see some identification"

FLOOD THREAT

"I see you're carrying some water"
"yes."
"there's a lot of it"
"yes."
"you don't need all of it, do you?"
"no, I have water at home."
"hows about one of these jugs accidentally falls off the back of your truck?"
"they're well-secured. I don't think it's likely. I'm also a careful driver."
"you know, I have a tough job. all this work makes a guy thirsty."
"lots of people get thirsty"
"I'm thirsty right now."
"that makes sense"
"I'm gonna need to see some identification"

"whoa -hoa -hoaaaa there. you flew right by the weigh station. where do you think you're going?"
"I'm going to deliver water."
"no -o -oooo, you aren't. I'm gonna need to see some identification"

I also delivered to a military base. They checked my ID and searched my truck every time.

"Is that your water?"
"Not really, I'm just delivering it."
"Who needs all that water? An aquarium?"
"No, it's for multiple orders."
"Right. And I suppose if I walked into the nearest Sea World, I wouldn't discover anything interesting? Anything...missing?"
"Excuse me?"
"I'm gonna need to see some identification"

"What's that splashing sound I hear?"
"Oh, that's just water."
"That's awfully loud. Why are you trying to draw attention to yourself?"
"Oh, I'm just clumsy. I grunt sometimes when I pick up water, too. You could have heard that, too."
*grunts for the officer*
"I'm gonna need to see some identification."

"any open containers in the vehicle?"
"yes"
"I'm gonna need to see some identification"
"they're containers of water"
*draws gun* "GET OUT OF THE VEHICLE!"