Truth and Beauty Bombs

I don't think it's nostalgia to enjoy when creatures feel real/organic, which happens when you have a human-operated puppet or costume.

It would be a different story if the computer graphics of the special editions or prequels employed the technology LotR used for Gollum, where they were able to capture an actor's muscle movements, etc. But they didn't, and it shows.
Using "real" effects also meant that they didn't need to fake quite as much for materials or lighting. Wet your Jabba costume a bit and any sliminess takes care of itself. OR, struggle in the computer lab for a while and have what looks like crap (not literally).

This is one of the main reasons why I think Phantom Menace is a pretty okay Star Wars movie. The aliens felt a little more life-like than in the other films; Yoda was a puppet and Jar Jar was done in a similar vein as Gollum. I'm sure others were given a similar treatment, but these two stick out in my mind. Additionally, aliens speak in non-basic, which I like because it adds to some of the mysticism that made A New Hope fun.

Also, I feel that, as steam has said, 4 and 5 are better films. They're not the be-all, end-all of American cinema, but they're good. A New Hope I enjoy due to its adherence to the Monomyth, not in a trite way, but in an educated and well-applied manner. Because it wasn't applied haphazardly, but was applied with clear intent and purpose, it makes the film seem less like "generic epic" and more like its own entity. Empire is great because it demonstrates much more of the drama and really showed that Lucas can create a good story, but that the story can be even better when someone else is writing and directing it. Empire's pacing was very good and it stood well on its own, outside of the other Star Wars films; it left you wanting to know how everything resolves, but it also existed as its own, contained story (granted, it's a story that the good guys lose).

these are my exact opinions on these movies just fyi

Hey, I heard that there's also a Turkish Star Wars.

Is this true?

liveblog of turkish star wars plz

Where does it fit in the Heptilogy

I dunno, but if you like that one you'll probably also like Turkish Star Wars.

I see what you're all saying about the puppets/cgi divide, but for me really the purpose of having six films and a guy who's never watched any of them would be getting him to watch them in order, perhaps making some sort of supercilious commentary as he goes, and see how he reacts. Personally I think Hamill's acting in 4 is terrible, and he spends half the movie standing next to a furry without real facial expressions. Take that, elderly man of action Alec Guinness.

Also I like the thought of someone suffering through hours and hours of those Ewok-related spinoffs before even getting to Phantom Menace.

re: Empire Strikes Back - this is a movie that literally used alien space bats to move the plot forward. Yes, it's fun, no, it still doesn't make any more sense than Qui-Gon Jin refusing point blank to free a slave or any of the other things.

t Cheston don't be dissin' Shari n' the Chopster and you leave poor dead Bea Arthur alone!

Has anyone actually seen Turkish Captain America beyond the bit where Spider-Man murders a woman with a boat?

oh also he should be watching Ice Pirates and Dark Star to bookend the whole research project

I think he'd like Dark Star.

You know I do sometimes wish I had seen Star Wars in the final order.

Starship Troopers to explain why they thought Clone Wars would work. You can skip the sequels.

Well, I'm going to watch Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back now, so whatever. I guess I'll have to watch other things afterward.

Puppets look a lot better than CGI all the time, as does hand-drawn animation. I have never seen CGI that wasn't really ugly. I can't even watch Pixar movies.

So Luke became the leader of everything after the scrappy finish of the previous episode? That's interesting. I remember when that happened in Sargent York's sequel.

Luke was riding a cute puppet and was attacked by a cuter one. See, if he had been riding CGI and was attacked by CGI, I would have said something snarky (boojumy?) about it, but now I'm just so amused.

How much time has passed since the last movie? Han still hasn't paid off his debt? Why is he so sentimental.

Oh no, I don't like this dialogue between Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher. "You could use a good kiss!" he says. I don't know what that means... I think.

Yeah, this is a great puppet. This furry iceman is super duper. I don't know how he froze Luke into place like that, but he must also be pretty patient.

Luke should hone his telekinetic powers so he can write on Darth Vader's chalkboard and scare him into giving up his tyrannical ways.

Also Princess Leia, I know you were speaking in irony, but the wookie is definitely the most attractive male around you.

In the Force religion, what is the deal with the afterlife? Do you just become a ghost? Is that it? Is that all?

I really hate Han Solo. I haven't seen the Indiana Jones movies, either. Is Harrison Ford a prick there, too?

He definitely was in American Graffiti.

U. S. Marshals is a lot better than The Fugitive F everyone's I.

Darth Vader is still alive. Good! I was really worried when I saw his ship spinning off uncontrollably at the end of the last movie that he had met his demise. That was a real cliffhanger!

It appears that The Empire is about to Strike Back. Everybody get ready.

Hey! Darth Vader can use telekinetic choking without even waving his hand around, apparently from a great distance. This seems like an effective battle strategy.

These quadrupedal robots seem kind of inefficient. Does Star Wars take place in a universe where the wheel was never appropriated as a locomotive device?

Sorry, I meant a galaxy where the wheel was never incorporated as a locomotive device.

The "Pew! Pew!" sound effect kind of grates after a while, doesn't it? I really should have played the Star Wars videogames before watching these movies, I guess, since that seems to be the medium they wanted it to be.

The controls in these quadrupedal Metal Gears must be so complicated! Do they have to move the legs one at a time? Consciously remember the steps of walking. Because I can't do that with my own body. I fall over to the left every time I try.

Oh no, all Luke's friends have fled the planet! He's all alone with a bunch of no-name actors.

Never mind, he got out of there. Better no friends at all than friends without star power.

So is this a road movie? I guess Han Solo could pass for a 70s Bing Crosby. I don't know who could be Bob Hope. I guess the humanoid effeminate male bot. If he made little growling sounds and was into chicks, it could work.

I think I'm a little confused about what a road movie is.

Okay, I think Yoda's about to show up. We're on a boggy planet. Do all these planets only have one climate? I guess that kind of makes sense. Most planets in our solar system only have one, occasionally two.

Why does Darth Vader care about the Millennium Falcon? For that matter, why do I? What are they doing?

It occurs to me that big gold robot would be really great on vaudeville, with the stars and stripes hat and a cane and YES FRANK OZ IS MY HOMEBOY

"I'm looking for a great warrior, and can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?"

Oh man, I know more about the Star Wars universe than Luke Skywalker does. He doesn't even know who Yoda is. *snicker* lol

Oh good, more machinery and awkward elementary school flirting scenes. This is what I signed up for. Oh no they kissed they'll both get space cooties.

I just saw the tiny imperial squeak robot again. It looks like a lunchbox I once had.

Darth Vader answers to someone. Who is this guy, this "emperor"? Is he a Jedi in disguise, trying to teach Darth Vader a valuable lesson about good and evil? That seems a little excessive, Mr. Emperor. You killed a whole planet!

Yoda is a so much better than everybody else. Is he the last of his people? I assume they do not produce very prolifically if they live 800+ years.

Suddenly, I find myself really bored. I think I'm going to pause this movie and not watch it for a while. TO BE CONTINUED.

But you didn't even get to the evil cave!

It's weird because you're viewing these films through the lens not only of the decades since they were released, but of the Star Wars context that you've acquired, in spite of not having seen the movies, just by existing in society. I mean, I know that this is a place for you to get snarky and I do hope you keep it up through the rest of the series (and don't just completely quit in the middle of Empire) but getting tired of the pew! pew! of the lasers strikes me as just the weirdest complaint.

Anyway I think Yoda was originally supposed to be the last (the only?) of his kind, that is my interpretation, but evidently there are other Yodas, or at least one lady-Yoda. I can't remember her name but it may or may not be "Yodalina."

Now if you'll excuse me I have to change my signature.

Yeah um

computer games are trying to be like star wars, i think.

also i remembered some other context that might help you! you should know about car engines (real life ones) and turbo ratings, because Lucas is a car nut and etc

really

well maybe it would give you some "ah now i understand what all these numbers they keep spouting are" rather than any real narrative insight but you know

Okay, I'm going to stir up from Chinese food and finish this movie up, stay tuned.

Okay, so the asteroid they stopped in was evil. Oh! It was a thing! That was unexpected! The inside of the thing looked just like the inside of a cave. Quite the adaptation!

Luke is using the Force on himself to augment his motion. That is a good use of it. OH GOD Yoda just did the thing I HATE when teachers do. "You don't need to know why." You know why he's saying that. It's because he wants Luke to think he's perfectly wise, and the best way to do that is to be cryptic. I am on to him. That's why his grammar is weird, too. To be less intelligible.

Darth Vader was in the cave, it was a trap! Yoda is working for the dark side! Why didn't I see this coming?

Oh, is Darth Vader Luke from the future gone back in time? And is he his own father? Meaning. . . he's his own mother, too?!

Did Han just cling to the side of a larger thing to hide himself again? Did he just pull the trick I think he pulled? And did the empire really not catch on. Come on, empire. How did you get to be an empire.

There's no try, there's no why, there's no anything with Yoda. Though I can understand why he would be condescending with Luke. I'm glad he's explaining things now about what The Force is. It's energy. I didn't know that.

Yoda, I don't think we doubted that you had the ability to move the spaceship with your mind. What was impossible was that Luke could do it.

Okay he did do the thing and the empire fell for it they are dumb.

Lando Calrissian is a name I've heard, what is his deal? Is he a system?

!!! Who's that following the Millennium Falcon? Is it someone morally ambiguous? That is what his mask suggests.

The Force comes with precognition AND remote viewing? Clairvoyance? Does it do clairvoyance? I guess that's pretty much all it does.

I think something bad's going to happen to these people in the City in the Clouds and Hey a black man, there are black men in space.

Oh, okay, here's Bob Hope.

I like the architecture in this city in the clouds. It has lots of primary colors and right angles. It's very modern. Very Mondrian.

Why did they kill the Gold robot. Why didn't anyone but Chewbacca notice he was gone?

I have learned from experience that when you promise to visit old people you can never keep that promise, sorry Luke.

Actually, this interior looks like Playstation Home's base apartment.

Wow I'm tired of Han and Leia. Why are they in this movie? Just to distract from everything? I'm so bored every time they appear.

Oh great! It's Darth Vader! He brings excitement with him wherever he goes. I am glad that Han was unsuccessful in his assassination attempt.

I keep thinking that I'm supposed to insert a quarter into the gold robot's mouth to make him work.

Oh it was a stormtrooper that shot the robot. Like in World War II. Is that what this movie is about?

Is everything about to come tumbling down for the people I don't like? Leia is stroking Han's hair. I guess in spite of all of her aggressions, she actually cares for him. What if. . . What if I do too?!

Ha ha Darth Vader was counting on Luke's psychic abilities to lure him there. What a crazy plan! Or was he just aware that in the future Luke would come here, and then intercepted him. Maybe everyone has already predicted the future. Maybe it's just that Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker.

No more Han Solo, I guess. He has been bronzed. People look rather solemn about it.

Everyone knows that Luke has landed, and he's trying to be stealthy. This is a literary technique known as dramatic irony. It was used by the Ancient Greeks to make characters seem tragic. Here it is being used to make Luke seem impetuous.

What's really interesting about this plan of Darth Vader's is that it depends on Luke Skywalker knowing that he's walking into a trap. It's pretty shrewd. It depends of Luke's impetuousness. How did Darth Vader know that Luke was so impetuous? Is it that obvious?

Yes, it is. Why don't you make rational decisions, Luke Skywalker?

I have heard all these James Earl Jones sounds as individual sound effects and it's so weird hearing them all in a monologue.

Suddenly, the interiors are very Art Deco. Like The Hudsucker Proxy. And Luke just jumped through a window! The similarities are numerous.

I'm kind of getting the feeling that this movie is, you know, for kids.

Okay everybody got away, people were shooting at them but they got away anyway just to spite them. Now there's some sword fighting, Darth Vader is really winning, it looks like Luke shouldn't have left training since he hasn't accomplished anything but OH there goes a hand.

It's not true. It's impossible. Because he IS you!!!

whoa whoa whoa The emperor knows that Luke is going to kill him and is trying to further that process so that Darth and Luke Vader can rule the galaxy? That doesn't seem like the emperor. I mean, I know I barely know him, but that's a strange plan.

Leia has force powers?! Why didn't she receive Jedi training? I guess the glass ceiling extends beyond this galaxy.

Okay, so has the Empire done all its striking yet? The Hyperdrive never works, how droll.

How are they going to get out of this one? They've already clung to the side of an asteroid and a big ship, what's left to cling to?

Everybody got away, and Darth Vader didn't even kill anyone to compensate. Oh look, Luke's a cyborg now! He can communicate with the robots. Yet for some reason, he places his mechanical arm on the one human character's shoulder. What does it mean? I do not understand the symbolism.

Okay, the movie's over. How does it compare to Die Hard 2? I'd rate it about a Tim Burton Batman.

keep liveblogging forever miШa because seriously

THE BEST

After you've finished with Star Wars, can you please please please do Indiana Jones?

Please do! (maybe I'll do it; I've never seen any of them)

Do it!

given that he hasn't shown an appreciation for either Han Solo or pulpiness, he might not like Indiana Jones

michael i love this so much $$$$$$


i was going to appropriate a new signature from it, but in the end there were so many that i couldn't even choose

I like this one a lot.

But the best part, to me, is the pointing out of how dumb some of the Star Wars stuff is. You don't notice it as a kid and by the time you're an adult you're so used to it you don't see it.

Please tell me you've never seen American Beauty and are willing to liveblog your first time

Space slugs aren't really that big a deal. Even if you get stuck inside one, there's a thin patch of skin in the roof of the mouth. You can tell where it is because the texture becomes perfectly smooth, and slimy to the touch. If you can punch a hole in it, you're at the pituitary gland, and all you gotta do is irritate it for about a day and a half before the slug dies of unregulated cell growth.

I figured that out when I ended up inside one after being teleported into a distant unknown galaxy by a swamp djinn that was pissed off at me for finding a loophole in her wish system. She probably wouldn't have minded that much, but I had been sleeping with her to get her to give me information about her ex-boyfriend, who was a double-groha that I had been hired to kill.

Later I found out that the double-groha himself had hired me, and sent me to an alternate universe without telling me, hoping that I'd eliminate his jealous parallel self. Which I did.

Oh yeah, also I got out of the space slug. Can't remember if I mentioned that part.

You can catch some nasty diseases in a space slug though. I got this one disease that gave me these weird fits where I turned into something similar to a killer whale. I would tell you how many closet schemers I had to kill in order to find the cure, but it's a pretty implausible number.

I have seen American Beauty. As I recall, it was like a really good episode of a generic sitcom, but sitcoms have gotten better since then I think, so who knows.

I guess The Mantom of Phenace is what tonight calls for. I should have picked up a bottle of wine and played a drinking game with it, taking a sip every time I involuntarily roll my eyes. I've heard the legends of Jar-Jar Binks, I remember the controversy. I'm ready. Just let me grab some leftover Bok choy and maybe pop up some corn and I'll be partying like it's 1999 and I'm 8 years old.

Rolf Rust I'm glad to see you but you're dead.

Oh, that reminds me, I had TaBB legally declared an afterlife for tax purposes.